Getting accepted and liked is the basic human necessity since childhood. A kid continues to act in a particular manner when their acts are found amusing, accepted and appreciated; from scoring well to eating nicely, speaking well and wearing neat clothes. An adolescent looks for acceptance by their rebellious nature; an adult finds solace in being accepted by their choice of career, choice of partner and these days, even the way they get married; if they followed the same pattern as everyone else. Isn't it what we carry on till our last breath, only choosing to do what makes us acceptable; always conscious of the reactions by others. Always looking for validation of our existence and our life's worth from others, always seeking approvals.
Had Einstein and Newton worried about what people would say or looked for outward validation, they wouldn't have made the discoveries they did. They overcame this need and thus were the real achievers.
We want to feel needed to feel worthy. Creating a need in others is only a way of justifying one's own existence, if such a justification is needed. Partners are happiest creating dependencies (needs!) rather than liberating each other. Everyone nurtures the desire to create needs that make them feel useful; it is a part of searching for a purposeful life.
It is more important to accept yourself as who you are and taking off the image that you have worn for the world. Accepting yourself means happier and more satisfied you. Then, neither will you be fishing out for something nor will you only be liked but respected. No matter how you change yourself as per others' defined set of rules, the world will still admire the one who marches to his own drum and maintains his dignity.
Humans are social animals and it is almost inevitable to eliminate this need to be liked and accepted, but the insanity to have a specific kind of beauty and habits signify insecurity. Attract people by your wisdom, morals, knowledge and principles rather than shallow acts that people can see through. Stay true to yourself and maintain your self respect; it will attract the greatest regard of all. It may seem natural that we value others' opinion about ourselves, some of us are obsessed with what others think. The person you really are may be hidden within the layers you have built over the years for how people perceive you or how you want to be perceived.
Often, passive people try to avoid confrontation or embarrassment. They want others to like them, so they treat others' needs and wants as more important than their own. But behaving passively can lead to feelings of frustration and helplessness in the long run. So, whereas an assertive person sticks up for his rights, a passive person is more likely to keep quiet or even accept being pushed around. This desire or want to be a part of something is more often a result of denial early in life. Not living to your true self can do more harm than good, hence try not to lose yourself in the stride.
I'd had read somewhere that the most important driving force for a woman is to be loved, appreciated and respected for what she is, so imagine this force mixed with a need to be desired due to earlier neglect, can be dangerous for herself. While some may come out of it more beautiful and more powerful, with no regard to how people see them; instead they give people something to look up to.
Self-motivated people do not feel a similar compulsion to create need banks. In fact they would have created needs for themselves due to their commitment. Creating that need is not a motivator for them, they consider it more important to be useful rather than needed.
To achieve higher self esteem one needs to move focus from others to one's own self, from outside to within. Others' opinion for you becomes irrelevant but that doesn't imply that you don't care for others; you simply don't give any regard to what impacts your true self.
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