X. X. X.

The mindset in our society is very bleak. We get married to have sex, we have sex to have kids so in turn, we get married to have kids for the society.. The guy gets married to have licensed legal sex and girls get married for the acclaimed sense of security!! The other day I was reading an article on Huffingtonpost about why do Indian men stare at women. At the end of the article, the answer was quite simple and thoughtful, because ours is a sexually deprived society; it is seen only as a mean to have kids and not to share the bond of love. Women are seen as nothing but source of having kids and meant only for sex, not for love or appreciation!

That is one of the reasons that the rate of rapes is too high in our country in every city. Some cases get the highlight and some don't.

 

People exploit their wives sexually to the limit that they look for sexual excitement outwards ogling at other women including teen girls.

Someone sent me a message today which said something from an advertisement: "Try different positions with the same woman instead of trying the same position with many women."

Advantages of being single...

* You can go out and have good time with your friends even if it's just for an hour without having to worry about being answerable to someone that why didn't you spend the time with them.

* You save a lot of money that you would have otherwise spent on dates or gifts maybe.

* You get a lot more family time with your own family.

* You don't have to spend your time with his friends if you don't like them.

* You need not plan anything hypothetical with him and have some real fun time with your friends and family whenever you want.

* You don't have to wait on anyone to do things you want, when it may not mean anything to him/ her but is precious for you and you would love to share it with your partner.

* You don't have to try hard to please his/ her family when they don't like you.

* Your friends will no longer complain that you don't have time for them.

* You can abuse or drink or smoke whenever you want to without him or her badgering you.

Simple Mantra to follow: You gotta do, what you wanna do!

PS: It's nothing out of frustration of a failed relationship but my observation of a lot many relationships I've seen around myself, some successful, some struggling and some failed. :D

Tryst with trust

For many, trust is cognitive dissonance, they trust but they are insecure at the same time. They value their relationship but they can't help feeling jealous from most of the unimportant things around. You can simply accept a few things in a relationship the way they are instead of trying to get to the roots of why is it so. It is more important to accept it and go along with it. If you dig in too much in the past, you will only be left with ugly truths, things that don't matter anymore will affect your love. Confrontations and embarrassments only expend energy and serve to destroy a partnership. Why let grief weaken a love bond?

Some don't realize it until it's too late that their suspicion is causing lack of space in the relationship. Sometimes things work out on the outer layer but underneath the seed of lack of trust has been sown and a sense of insecurity creeps in for the other one. Sometimes things work out perfectly making the bonds stronger but if exposed in an ugly manner, the relationship is left as a subject of humility. If someone chooses to present only his or her positives, why insist on discovering anything lesser? It is enough to be aware.

Insecurities and bad experiences encourage us to mistrust everything, and try to get to the 'invisible' truth. Some things need to be taken at face value. People haggle over prices not because they can not afford it, but because they fear being cheated; they do not trust. Nobody likes being taken for a ride, be it business transactions or relationships. It is a vicious circle; the more lies and corruption we see around us, the more likely we are to distrust. But if we keep suspecting and doubting people, we are slowly eroding the trust and mutual faith from the society that is the basis of any relationship. Tourists don't trust Indians because they have a belief that every one of us will loot them. It may be true to a great extent but is everyone the same! You need to take the risk of putting the trust in some to make a special bond. The other day I was traveling in metro and I saw an old lady struggling with her baggage. I offered her a hand which denied very politely but she couldn't hide the suspicion out of the look that she gave me. It was discomforting and disrespectful but it made me think about the kind of society we live in. You won't discover new until you step out of your comfort zone, comfort of trusting the renowned. How we buy the stuff from a known brand without judging the quality we get because we are comfortable with the fact that their price is same for everyone and we will not be cheated.

We are aware of couples around us who trust their loved ones and allow the space; they are no less possessive, loving or less jealous than others. They are probably more mature and understand the consequences of doubts, suspicions and questions, they understand if they do not allow that space they are likely to lose those to whom they cling with such obsession. A close hug is reassuring; a very tight one, choking.

The character of Sadhavi in the book "See Paris for me" realizes her unfulfilled needs in her marriage when she meets Kanav, an artist whom she connects with intellectually. But her love for her husband and son, her husband's trust brings her back to the ground reality and she comes back with stronger love and deeper trust in her marriage. She wasn't in a relationship with Kanav but mental bonding with another man seemed wrong. She felt like a cheat, after all only physical connection isn't cheating, connecting with someone emotionally is cheating too. I was reading an article in the newspaper once about emotional cheating. There was also a quote by Sandra Bullock that said that infidelity is not the only form of cheating, the worst is emotional cheating.

We should allow our instincts and faith to lead us. Of course this doesn't mean you get taken for several rides through life. If it is unfair to live with suspicion, it is unforgivable to accept unfairness and live with lies. Allow doubts to raise their head only if you have reason to nurture them. Make an honest trust pact to stay happy, you will realize that a lot of clutter and noise will vanish to leave you smiling and peaceful.

Where is my security!?

Today on my way to work while I was waiting in the queue to put my bags through metro security check, I noticed a tourist woman who took bags from her younger counterpart and asked her to move onto the front to collect the bags. Their lack of trust in our security pricked me but I shrugged it off thinking we can't change their mindset about our country. We moved forward and I picked my bags too from the machine. They were joined by two men from the other queue and were still walking close because of the crowd. What happened next really moved me and pushed me to think about the image they carry of our city rather than country.  I saw the woman pulling the girl ahead of her and the men, asking her to cover her revealed shoulders and back.

Is the image they are carrying not true? Is our mindset correct towards women? What are we doing to provide safety to these insecure tourists, to improve conditions for our own women? Are these tourists really safe here?

Will we continue getting raped, harassed, ogled at; every second that we step out in the world, will we always be vulnerable, made to feel fragile even when we are not! It's a question that will always be there like a demon on our heads to which there never will be any answer. As long as women won't speak up, men won't stand up for every women being harassed, we as citizens won't do anything to protect our own women; nothing will change.

Gone are the days when I used to be proud to be a part of Delhi. Today, I am ashamed to be from the city known for its unsafe streets for women and ever rising rape cases.

Mid 20s crisis

Gone are the days when age crisis was limited to puberty, menopause, mid-40s and other prominent stages in a person's life when the body undergoes hormonal changes. Nowadays, we also have mid-20s crisis with emotional and psychological changes happening.

This is the threshold between the growing man and the grown man. With growing competition and tough-to-make place in market, when academic life ends and professional life begins and we enter the real mean world, a zillion thoughts cross our mind and we undergo multiple mood swings, depression like state and frustration. You think:

* About a third of my life is over and I have not really done anything with it. Spent a part of it growing up, some of it trying to figure out what to do and some running around trying to make it work.

* Of traveling the world like there's no tomorrow.

 

* You are going bald.

* Stuck in your job.

* You have suddenly all grown up with the responsibilities.

* All of your friends are getting married and you will get married too soon having your own family.

* You have attained the ultimate knowledge and should go to mountains to meditate now.

* After a failed love affair, the concept of love is faltering and is for college students.

* You have made a wrong career choice and feel aimless out of nowhere.

* Binging is your savior.

* You are worthless.

* You should get back to childhood and do things you've missed

* Partying with your friends is the only escape.

* Your skin has lost its glow and charm so you start using all sorts of products and often consult your dermatologist.

Instead of brooding over what's done and what can't be changed. enjoy the moment and make the most of your mid 20s because just like you get one childhood, this is your time to feel grown up while feeling all too young! Lay back and relax!! ;)

Do prince charmings exist???

Who is a Prince Charming?

A guy who is as handsome as a Greek God, as strong as Hulk, cute and funny like the guy next door, caring like the father, protective like Captain America's shield, loving like the God of love himself and last but the most important is who pampers you like you are the only princess alive.

It would have been larger than life if it came with life long guarantee!!

Now the question is if it is real at all or just fiction?

Prince Charming is the guy who will respectfully and willfully stay a step behind his girl's father and won't strive to be ahead of him.

He is the guy who will respect his girl and wouldn't even imagine hurting her in any way, mental or physical. He will respect the fact that she is willing to quit the life she has had for a major part of her living which can be about one-third. He will willingly make some changes in his life to provide her some comfort considering that she is turning her life upside down for him.

There are a few fictional excerpts that also end up putting you in dilemma. Edward Cullen from Twilight series and Christian Grey from Fifty Shades series are definitely the prefect examples of dream-come-true princes. While they are ideally perfect, ironically neither of them have perfect lives. Edward is a vampire who is drawn towards human girl, on the other hand, Christian fell for a total mess with his dark past.

Following extract from Ahmed Ali's Twilight in Delhi, tell us just the opposite that there is nothing like a perfect guy:

But love had died in his heart. Why had he been in love with her, he thought, and why had he become indifferent to her? She had loved him and adored him, perhaps. Why did he not feel anything for her? What is love, after all? Does the charm of a woman lie merely in her graceful ways, or in her confessions of love? Yet the moths tower round a candle flame, scorch their wings and are burnt to ashes and dust. They also love the light and sacrifice their lives for it. Wasn't she sacrificing her life for him? Didn't she love him silently like the moths the candle flame?

Prince Charming is that fictitious character that is just too good to be real but there are a few lucky ones out there who have had the chance of meeting them.

Why am I not free!?

We have completed 67 years of independence but are we free in real terms? Can I take a walk at night without getting raped, can I wear a short skirt without being ogled at, can that red dress be worn without attracting any lewd remarks, can I talk on phone while walking without having anyone whisper crude comments within my earshot, can I travel on bus without having anyone trying to rub their pride on my shoulder or crush my pride by holding my breast or pinching my ass, can I laugh heartily without having to worry about prying eyes, what can I wear that will assure I'll be protected, am I free to go out with my male friends without anyone thinking that I sleep around with them, can I trust my government to actually do something for me and give no empty promises, can I hope that there won't be another remark on things I do that get me raped, can I trust the world with my little princess. I am a girl. I don't want to hear that my mobile phone, eating noodles and letting myself out at night (I'd say any hour) get me raped. Why does it have to come down to me!? Why can't they ask men to not use phones, to not watch porn, to stay home at night so that I am safe outside, to keep their pants in check instead of checking me out. Aren't there any rapes happening during day, aren't women in sarees getting raped, don't we have school girls being molested without any cell phones, 4-5 year old girls are raped when they don't even know what provocative clothing is. Why don't we have a moral police for every man walking on the road eyeing the next girl!? I don't want to know how innocent a guy is to rape. If he can rape, where is innocence!! Can I ever feel safe? Will we stop having useless marches that have rapists and molesters walking along with candles and still checking out the women around? We have zillions of fines and punishments for the pettiest of "crimes" like pulling a train's chain or pressing emergency button in metro, but what do we have for a woman's dignity! We get nothing out of a report for rape but there is a headline about how authorities are affected to know that tourism industry has dropped due to rising rape cases!

I don't want to wish a happy independence day because I don't feel free!

Protected by women

What happens to a person who has always been covered and saved by women. Someone who is always protected, will always seek protection by women and will do so proudly.

When they are made aware of it, they lose their senses to realize that their protection might be threatened, as a result of which they hurt the same women they were so shelled by.

He was always protected by his mother, his sisters that he wanted the same from his partner, he forgot the part he had to play for her protection. In his pursuit of absolute protection from her; what he was so used to all his life, he lost control over himself and was pushed to punish her for having some expectations from him, expecting to be protected by him.

They will always run away from their responsibilities and will always deny and escape their duties. They are so used to the woman cocooning that they can't see themselves doing it for anyone or having it the other way round.

Kelly Clarkson has very rightly said in one of her songs, "You got your mother and your brother, every other, under cover, telling you what to say". These people always need these women telling them what to say, what to do all the time. They are so dependent on them that they expect the same from every woman who enters their lives.

It is very hard for them to give back what they have been receiving all their life. And once again woman is the one carrying the weight of the relationship, being the mother, being the sister, being the partner

Writing, seriously!

Years ago, I found out that the guy I'm going out with writes too (there were a lot many other things he did to amaze me!). I started reading his blog and write ups, in fact I started following it. And then I realized that I'm falling in love with him because of his writing and he is indeed amazing with words. I think that is how he rolled me in at first! ;)

He kept writing and I continued reading, kept waiting for his new posts, emails with new write ups.

He used to inspire me to write but then I was never good with words or narration. I always messed up by saying things differently than what was meant initially. So, I never bothered my keyboard or pen! Also, I was afraid to give words to my thoughts, to share what was my opinion about things; fearing that my deepest and darkest feelings might just come out, fearing people may not agree with me, may not approve of my ideas or may not accept me in that light. I simply held on to my status quo of being the just-not-intellectual and can't-have-an-opinion. I couldn't portray myself in words just how people see me, total mess! Is this why we have introvert people around us!? Those who don't talk much, don't share much and agree with what-ever is said around them, never putting their thoughts on the table. May be that's where the title of my blog came from!!

One day a random thought came to my mind that I need a blog of my own for girls, which took him by surprise. Very calmly, he suggested that I should first start writing a regular blog before coming up with the conceptual one. I hesitated and was really apprehensive about writing at all initially. It took me quite a long time to bring myself together and get to work.

So, there I took the big step, pulled up my socks and started writing on paper whenever and wherever I got some time for myself. Initially it took me long to write about anything but gradually I started enjoying it, even the time it was taking to write something. I savor my time spent in writing with my stream of thoughts.

At the moment I have about 12 posts in my drafts; things I'm working on for quite a long time but nothing completed to my satisfaction yet. I drafted the title of this post about more than a year back but today I finally write my thoughts wholly about it and put it to you.

Now, it is all about putting my heart out, trying to sort out all the mess going on in my mind. Be carefree and careless about what anyone thinks!

Feels kinda good to realize that I am writing, seriously! Even if someone out there finds it naive. What matters the most is what I'm doing, makes me feel great! Isn't it why we do anything of everything we do!?