Tryst with trust

For many, trust is cognitive dissonance, they trust but they are insecure at the same time. They value their relationship but they can't help feeling jealous from most of the unimportant things around. You can simply accept a few things in a relationship the way they are instead of trying to get to the roots of why is it so. It is more important to accept it and go along with it. If you dig in too much in the past, you will only be left with ugly truths, things that don't matter anymore will affect your love. Confrontations and embarrassments only expend energy and serve to destroy a partnership. Why let grief weaken a love bond?

Some don't realize it until it's too late that their suspicion is causing lack of space in the relationship. Sometimes things work out on the outer layer but underneath the seed of lack of trust has been sown and a sense of insecurity creeps in for the other one. Sometimes things work out perfectly making the bonds stronger but if exposed in an ugly manner, the relationship is left as a subject of humility. If someone chooses to present only his or her positives, why insist on discovering anything lesser? It is enough to be aware.

Insecurities and bad experiences encourage us to mistrust everything, and try to get to the 'invisible' truth. Some things need to be taken at face value. People haggle over prices not because they can not afford it, but because they fear being cheated; they do not trust. Nobody likes being taken for a ride, be it business transactions or relationships. It is a vicious circle; the more lies and corruption we see around us, the more likely we are to distrust. But if we keep suspecting and doubting people, we are slowly eroding the trust and mutual faith from the society that is the basis of any relationship. Tourists don't trust Indians because they have a belief that every one of us will loot them. It may be true to a great extent but is everyone the same! You need to take the risk of putting the trust in some to make a special bond. The other day I was traveling in metro and I saw an old lady struggling with her baggage. I offered her a hand which denied very politely but she couldn't hide the suspicion out of the look that she gave me. It was discomforting and disrespectful but it made me think about the kind of society we live in. You won't discover new until you step out of your comfort zone, comfort of trusting the renowned. How we buy the stuff from a known brand without judging the quality we get because we are comfortable with the fact that their price is same for everyone and we will not be cheated.

We are aware of couples around us who trust their loved ones and allow the space; they are no less possessive, loving or less jealous than others. They are probably more mature and understand the consequences of doubts, suspicions and questions, they understand if they do not allow that space they are likely to lose those to whom they cling with such obsession. A close hug is reassuring; a very tight one, choking.

The character of Sadhavi in the book "See Paris for me" realizes her unfulfilled needs in her marriage when she meets Kanav, an artist whom she connects with intellectually. But her love for her husband and son, her husband's trust brings her back to the ground reality and she comes back with stronger love and deeper trust in her marriage. She wasn't in a relationship with Kanav but mental bonding with another man seemed wrong. She felt like a cheat, after all only physical connection isn't cheating, connecting with someone emotionally is cheating too. I was reading an article in the newspaper once about emotional cheating. There was also a quote by Sandra Bullock that said that infidelity is not the only form of cheating, the worst is emotional cheating.

We should allow our instincts and faith to lead us. Of course this doesn't mean you get taken for several rides through life. If it is unfair to live with suspicion, it is unforgivable to accept unfairness and live with lies. Allow doubts to raise their head only if you have reason to nurture them. Make an honest trust pact to stay happy, you will realize that a lot of clutter and noise will vanish to leave you smiling and peaceful.