Another dream beaten to death by intolerance and then insensitivity

The other day I was sitting at work, planning to go out to have aloo paratha for dinner. Every time I don't carry mum cooked dinner, I prefer going out for the unhygienic paratha instead of half cooked food in the cafeteria that doesn't suit my system. When I asked my colleague to come along, she told me that the vendor is shut down and the area is now covered by the police. Assessing my puzzled look, she was surprised that I didn't know about the incident that had taken place there the previous month; murder of a girl.

A girl in her early 20s, working as a bartender at a couple of places in Gurgaon. She was there for her dinner break, when a friend/ colleague/ competitor also turned up there. They had an argument there which turned into a quarrel which turned into an ugly feud. The other girl called her boyfriend from a nearby Haryana's village, who came along with two other guys carrying thick rods. And they all beat her to death. While the whole world looked on, no one came forward to stop them, to protect her, to call police or to take her to the hospital.

Since she's told me about it, I can't stop thinking about the insensitivity and intolerance in the society. Where was the public outrage that night, that comes out too often and on a huge scale when a politician or a celebrity gives out a controversial "statement". Why did they let her die like that!?

What if it was their daughter or sister being beaten in public? What if it was me? What if I were there? Could I protect her? Had they beaten me too with her? What her family must be going through? Will our society keep letting the innocents die like that by some outrageous intolerant illiterate? Are we scared from people who are among us but never by the wrong? Why do we not stand against these beasts for the innocents? Is it that easy to see someone die like that? Can't we do something with a thought that our family can be their next target!? Someone else blinded by outrage can attack our daughter or son and no one will stand for them and just see them doing because we didn't have enough courage today.

Since my friend told me about it, I just can't stop thinking about this whole scenario, our society, I can't stop crying for her. It isn't about a girl but it could be a boy killed, just like terrorism has no religion, a killed innocent has no gender, it's just a victim.

Talking about insensitivity, it's not gender biased, women are insensitive towards women. You travel in Delhi metro, no woman will offer her seat to an old woman, a woman with a toddler, a pregnant woman or anyone who needs it more than they do. Well, it would be unjust for women who do; which comprises a very small fraction of these travelling women passengers. Some of these needy women will ask for a seat but that's also a very minute number.

Girls would rather pretend sleeping than offering their seat . In fact, the other day a woman got up to catch her child who had just jumped off her lap to hold the pole in front of her and a girl standing in a corner didn't take a moment to come and take her momentarily vacant seat. Now this mother couldn't ask for her seat and stood there holding her child in the moving metro trying to maintain her balance. I waited for a few moments before offering my seat to her, just to observe if anyone else also noticed and would offer her their seat and I was once again convinced of the insensitivity at its all time high.

The world is going to the ditches.

Once upon a time

Once upon a time, there was me and you. Too perfect that no one could imagine us apart. People who didn't know about us, could picture us together without any imperfections. Too perfect, that my friends asked me how we made it last and wishing that they had the same thing. Our laughter invited envy! Today, I look at people and wonder why couldn't WE make it last. They were nothing like us, but they still achieved what we failed at.

Yes, I'm stuck on you. I can't detach myself despite of all the ugly things you said to me, I can't let go of all the good things we shared.

You cursed me that I'll be lonely forever and I am, not because I don't have anyone but I choose to be. There's no one I can talk to about you, who to tell I still want you.

Everytime I close my eyes and imagine a partner, I can't help but see your face. You were not perfect, neither was I but no one seems to have a fraction of what you were, the connection we shared.

They say when two people are meant to be together, the devil does everything in its capacity to pull them apart and we let that devil win or maybe we weren't meant to be together. If we weren't meant to be, then why did it feel so right, so perfect.

I can't even seem to distract myself. All my needs were with you, my emotional needs were killed years ago, my physical needs are suppressed. I fail to satisfy my physical needs, I keep pulling back, my mind is never off you. I don't let anyone enter that part of me where I let them access my innermost sensitive point.

Your kiss made me feel what no one could make me feel since then but I still can't forget the last time you kissed me and the pain of realization that I didn't want to kiss you back. Kissing you under the rain was the best thing that happened to me. You're a loss I can't replace.

You may deny it but I did what I could to protect it, my dignity is what I can't compromise on and you failed to keep it intact. How can I spend my life with someone who can't fulfill my basic hunger of being respected.

There was immense love, where did I go wrong. You loved me, believed in me and my dreams but you didn't respect me. A little respect is all that I asked for.

You always left me in the middle of the road, and I kept waiting forever, I'm still standing right there but the tragedy is you are gone forever and I'm not waiting, I want you but I don't want you to come back. I don't want that misery in my life. I couldn't choose happily never after willingly and I still won't. I went numb the night you left me in a miserable condition, the funny part is I still shared that orange with you, still let you drive me to work. And I still went to work and I couldn't help a tear rolling down the moment my nose pin fell and I realized that it's broken.

Surprisingly, in the days that followed, your indifference made you a victim again of my indifference.

I could spend a life of struggles with you, but I can't spend a life being ill-treated. You took me for granted and the irony is you never realized and you never will.

It's been so long and I still can't trust someone with my love. Only if I was a princess and life was a fairytale!

For me, there's no one like you but eventually I WILL either compromise on my needs or only God knows, I might find someone fine enough or better probably. Someone who will treat me like a human, I'm sure.

Happy Father's Day

You were never an ideal dad like they portray in TV commercials and celebrity dads who are flawless, like dream fathers.

You were not the one who caught us when falling, but you let us fall, so that we could learn on our own to walk again without falling. You didn't lead by letting us hold your finger but you always were in the background to hold us if we run into trouble. You made sure we didn't make the same mistakes as yours.

You let us fight our battles on our own. In fact, you let us figure out what our battles were and how to fight them. You helped us define our independence and taught us respect and dignity; you taught us right from wrong. You made sure we always chose the right. Until the world reminded you that we are daughters and we should know our righteous place as homemakers and family women. The ones to always make sacrifices. You now expect us to forget it all. Forget to fight for ourselves, forget to stand for what's right, forget that we have have a self-esteem too which is not above but equal to our husbands. You are now not open to accept things you may learn from us.

You won't shy away from slapping me if you have to; making me do things I don't want but are good for me. But you still can't see me cry, it hurts you to see me in pain.

You may not be a flawlessly perfect father but we see you as our support system and will always look up to you for values of life. We'll always think of you before making any major or even the puniest decision. Our every action and reaction has us assess your opinion about it before and after.

You are not someone for whom we were the world but we saw you as our whole wide world. Had you cared more about us and less about what others thought, our lives would have been different. Only if you were gutsy enough to fight the world for us, I bet we would have conquered it for you. You never treated us like princesses and made sure that we were always hooked to the ground, close to reality. You never made a safety cocoon for us, you let us see the real ugly world, you let us see it bare so we never had any illusions or fantasies. 

Yes, you don't go by the romantic definition of a father but you made us who we are, you made us real, you made us US.