Advantages of being single...

* You can go out and have good time with your friends even if it's just for an hour without having to worry about being answerable to someone that why didn't you spend the time with them.

* You save a lot of money that you would have otherwise spent on dates or gifts maybe.

* You get a lot more family time with your own family.

* You don't have to spend your time with his friends if you don't like them.

* You need not plan anything hypothetical with him and have some real fun time with your friends and family whenever you want.

* You don't have to wait on anyone to do things you want, when it may not mean anything to him/ her but is precious for you and you would love to share it with your partner.

* You don't have to try hard to please his/ her family when they don't like you.

* Your friends will no longer complain that you don't have time for them.

* You can abuse or drink or smoke whenever you want to without him or her badgering you.

Simple Mantra to follow: You gotta do, what you wanna do!

PS: It's nothing out of frustration of a failed relationship but my observation of a lot many relationships I've seen around myself, some successful, some struggling and some failed. :D

Tryst with trust

For many, trust is cognitive dissonance, they trust but they are insecure at the same time. They value their relationship but they can't help feeling jealous from most of the unimportant things around. You can simply accept a few things in a relationship the way they are instead of trying to get to the roots of why is it so. It is more important to accept it and go along with it. If you dig in too much in the past, you will only be left with ugly truths, things that don't matter anymore will affect your love. Confrontations and embarrassments only expend energy and serve to destroy a partnership. Why let grief weaken a love bond?

Some don't realize it until it's too late that their suspicion is causing lack of space in the relationship. Sometimes things work out on the outer layer but underneath the seed of lack of trust has been sown and a sense of insecurity creeps in for the other one. Sometimes things work out perfectly making the bonds stronger but if exposed in an ugly manner, the relationship is left as a subject of humility. If someone chooses to present only his or her positives, why insist on discovering anything lesser? It is enough to be aware.

Insecurities and bad experiences encourage us to mistrust everything, and try to get to the 'invisible' truth. Some things need to be taken at face value. People haggle over prices not because they can not afford it, but because they fear being cheated; they do not trust. Nobody likes being taken for a ride, be it business transactions or relationships. It is a vicious circle; the more lies and corruption we see around us, the more likely we are to distrust. But if we keep suspecting and doubting people, we are slowly eroding the trust and mutual faith from the society that is the basis of any relationship. Tourists don't trust Indians because they have a belief that every one of us will loot them. It may be true to a great extent but is everyone the same! You need to take the risk of putting the trust in some to make a special bond. The other day I was traveling in metro and I saw an old lady struggling with her baggage. I offered her a hand which denied very politely but she couldn't hide the suspicion out of the look that she gave me. It was discomforting and disrespectful but it made me think about the kind of society we live in. You won't discover new until you step out of your comfort zone, comfort of trusting the renowned. How we buy the stuff from a known brand without judging the quality we get because we are comfortable with the fact that their price is same for everyone and we will not be cheated.

We are aware of couples around us who trust their loved ones and allow the space; they are no less possessive, loving or less jealous than others. They are probably more mature and understand the consequences of doubts, suspicions and questions, they understand if they do not allow that space they are likely to lose those to whom they cling with such obsession. A close hug is reassuring; a very tight one, choking.

The character of Sadhavi in the book "See Paris for me" realizes her unfulfilled needs in her marriage when she meets Kanav, an artist whom she connects with intellectually. But her love for her husband and son, her husband's trust brings her back to the ground reality and she comes back with stronger love and deeper trust in her marriage. She wasn't in a relationship with Kanav but mental bonding with another man seemed wrong. She felt like a cheat, after all only physical connection isn't cheating, connecting with someone emotionally is cheating too. I was reading an article in the newspaper once about emotional cheating. There was also a quote by Sandra Bullock that said that infidelity is not the only form of cheating, the worst is emotional cheating.

We should allow our instincts and faith to lead us. Of course this doesn't mean you get taken for several rides through life. If it is unfair to live with suspicion, it is unforgivable to accept unfairness and live with lies. Allow doubts to raise their head only if you have reason to nurture them. Make an honest trust pact to stay happy, you will realize that a lot of clutter and noise will vanish to leave you smiling and peaceful.

Where is my security!?

Today on my way to work while I was waiting in the queue to put my bags through metro security check, I noticed a tourist woman who took bags from her younger counterpart and asked her to move onto the front to collect the bags. Their lack of trust in our security pricked me but I shrugged it off thinking we can't change their mindset about our country. We moved forward and I picked my bags too from the machine. They were joined by two men from the other queue and were still walking close because of the crowd. What happened next really moved me and pushed me to think about the image they carry of our city rather than country.  I saw the woman pulling the girl ahead of her and the men, asking her to cover her revealed shoulders and back.

Is the image they are carrying not true? Is our mindset correct towards women? What are we doing to provide safety to these insecure tourists, to improve conditions for our own women? Are these tourists really safe here?

Will we continue getting raped, harassed, ogled at; every second that we step out in the world, will we always be vulnerable, made to feel fragile even when we are not! It's a question that will always be there like a demon on our heads to which there never will be any answer. As long as women won't speak up, men won't stand up for every women being harassed, we as citizens won't do anything to protect our own women; nothing will change.

Gone are the days when I used to be proud to be a part of Delhi. Today, I am ashamed to be from the city known for its unsafe streets for women and ever rising rape cases.

Mid 20s crisis

Gone are the days when age crisis was limited to puberty, menopause, mid-40s and other prominent stages in a person's life when the body undergoes hormonal changes. Nowadays, we also have mid-20s crisis with emotional and psychological changes happening.

This is the threshold between the growing man and the grown man. With growing competition and tough-to-make place in market, when academic life ends and professional life begins and we enter the real mean world, a zillion thoughts cross our mind and we undergo multiple mood swings, depression like state and frustration. You think:

* About a third of my life is over and I have not really done anything with it. Spent a part of it growing up, some of it trying to figure out what to do and some running around trying to make it work.

* Of traveling the world like there's no tomorrow.

 

* You are going bald.

* Stuck in your job.

* You have suddenly all grown up with the responsibilities.

* All of your friends are getting married and you will get married too soon having your own family.

* You have attained the ultimate knowledge and should go to mountains to meditate now.

* After a failed love affair, the concept of love is faltering and is for college students.

* You have made a wrong career choice and feel aimless out of nowhere.

* Binging is your savior.

* You are worthless.

* You should get back to childhood and do things you've missed

* Partying with your friends is the only escape.

* Your skin has lost its glow and charm so you start using all sorts of products and often consult your dermatologist.

Instead of brooding over what's done and what can't be changed. enjoy the moment and make the most of your mid 20s because just like you get one childhood, this is your time to feel grown up while feeling all too young! Lay back and relax!! ;)