Self destruction

Is anger the only Self-Destructing factor! Isn't guilt also guilty for the same crime! Guilt for having done something which is not wrong but may not feel right. Guilt for thinking about your rights, putting somebody else down even though you didn't put their rights at stake but just defended yours.

 

Guilt is so strong of an emotion that even anger cant take it over.

 

When a person is feeling guilty for having hurt somebody in pursuit of their own peace even if they didn't mean it personally or it wasn't anything significant enough.

 

It’s a feeling that a mother feels after beating up her kid when he doesn’t study, knowing that marks can never make up for these bruises. A feeling that haunts a person who left house after shouting at their mother for she doesn't understand that they are getting late for office or college or just for a party, while their mother just wanted them to eat something. It is when you shout at your mother because she didn't hear you well the first three times that you are not well and don't feel like talking but do we understand that she NEEDS to talk. It is when you shout at an old driver because he irritated you, someone who is as old as your father. It is when you pushed someone on the road innocently having ice cream just because they were in your path when you were angry at somebody else. It is when you tell someone bluntly that they are irritating you and they just go quiet and don't talk at all making you feel that they were innocent and you are the culprit to have mistreated them but do they realize what they were doing. You feel guilty after reacting over a situation which was out of your control and not a big deal at all. It is when we don't react when people hurt us knowingly and it keeps heaping inside us and blasts out one day on anyone, guilty or not!

 

On occasions you feel guilty for yourself after not reacting over a situation which was offensive to you, putting your happiness and rights at stake making sure that it didn't hurt your relation with the other person. At times you cant and at times you choose not to react. But does it actually save the relationship! Is it not messing up with your head that you let wrong happen to yourself? Is it not bothering you that you let someone hurt your self-esteem, that you didn't stand up for your

self? Doesn't it create that discomfort between you and that person!

 

You can feel it churning your insides. It eats you up because you just want to be alone in such situations, you don't trust anyone with their ability to understand you, so you don't talk to anyone! People you like to talk to are not close enough that you share something this personal with them and people who are really close, are not with you on intellectual grounds to understand what's storming your head. Because according to them you are just making a hill out of a mole or not understanding the situation wholly. The fear of being misunderstood adds to your misery; the guilt of your inability to share with your loved ones cripples you! You hate yourself that you don't trust your partner, your parents or your best friend.

 

Thoughts keep whirling inside your head making you dizzy and depressed, depleting your health, causing head ache and ultimately you are just destroying yourself from within making your insides empty, sucking out all the last traces of happiness and love out of you! Love for others, those you make sacrifices for! Because ultimately you are not loving yourself, you are not keeping your SELF happy! Do you think it's about feeding your ego? No, its not! Because as they say, you can keep others happy only if you are happy inside, if you feed your own pleasures. Give yourself all those little things that make you happy. Pampering yourself is the key to the happiness of everyone around you.

 

It's not the regret of having done something but the guilt of the moment that you spoilt for the other person. And it doesn't stop following you even if you tell yourself that the other person would have done the same thing or even worse to spoil your moment, had they been in your shoes.

 

What do you think should be the best possible way to vent out and not feel guilty for anything you did? To deal with the situation when you stood for yourself and someone was hurt for they were denied the fun of seeing you suffering?