Smelly nostalgia

Mehek bhi kahani sunati hai, sun lo agar,

hawaon ke zariye batati hai, samjho agar

(Smell also tells a story if you listen to it, it tells through the blowing wind if you understand it!)

This song from movie Aiyya awakens me to the reality of what wonders can smell do and I never realised it until I listened to this song and watched this movie. The girl falls in love with the guy's fragrance without having ever seen him, she kept following his smell until she finally found him.

There's a reason why the ability to smell is a part of our 5 most powerful senses. I'd read somewhere that if people were given the choice to lose one of their senses, ability to smell would be the first one and sight would be the last one. This sense resides in the same part of the brain as emotions and is thus directly connected to our emotions than any other sense.

You ever noticed how smell of geeli mitti (moist soil) brings back a lot of childhood memories and elates one's spirits. Smokers can have the craving by simply smelling the smoke of someone else's cigarette. Similarly, a person who doesn't smoke, will get irritated by the same smell. Smell of rain takes us back to how we used to play as kids under the rain on our rooftops. A coffee lover will get overwhelmed by the smell in a coffee shop or you may get hungry by yummy appetising smell of a bakery.

Women use all nice smelling products because it makes them feel good about themselves, makes them feel more confident. People take aroma spas to relax, have aroma oils in their bath water to soothe their nerves. Couples light aroma candles to get the light romantic feel.

Once, one of my old friends told me that there is a fragrance that drives him crazy. It plays with his mind and when he tries to track the source, it vanishes. I could never understand how fragrance affects us subconsciously even when we are totally occupied with something else, that particular whiff can pull us out into a whole new world.

When choosing perfumes, people choose how they would prefer to smell, something that suits them the best and portrays their personality.

There is another theory that says that a couple bonds better if they connect to how their partner smells. Couples get turned on by how their spouses smell! Or they can even have their favourite smelling areas on their body! Someone loves to smell their partner's hair, someone would love to get lost in their neck.

They say, a guy should always invest in a nice cologne. Their aftershaves make women go weak in their knees. As a kid I used to admire my dad's perfume so much (which I still do) that I always wished to have my partner smell the same. That's how I defined manhood in that age. On the other hand, a girl may not feel that way even for a really hot guy if they smell like their dad.

Coming to what actually motivated me to write this post. On a cold evening in an open area with some green trees, there lingers a smell that many don't notice. I think it's a tree that gives out  this smell at night but I'm not really sure because I could never find any common tree in all these areas or anyone who could solve this puzzle for me. That smell makes me want to fall in love. I can get married to a guy who'd propose me amidst that smell. It takes me over, it is tranquilising, I just can't get enough of it. It makes me want to inhale as deeply as i can, take in as much of it as feasible by my lungs. I get nostalgic; I have made a lot of memories in my student life with my friends and my first love surrounded by this smell.

Smell can bring back half-forgotten, blurry memories out on surface. Some sweet and some bitter memories (reminds me of bittersweet symphony! :P). You can associate to people by how they smell. A fragrance can take you back to the memories of your long lost love while you can hate someone because their smell reminds you of someone you hate.

You may forget what you saw but what you smelt will stay there in your subconscious mind and will come out as soon as you smell it again. Your smell memory is much stronger than your visual or verbal memory.

यादें

मेरी महफिलें, मेरी खुशियां
किसी की मौजूदगी कि मौहताज नहीं। 
मेरी तन्हाई, किसी की बददुआ का असर नहीं
अंजाम है ये उसकी कमज़ोरी और बुज़दिली का। 

उन्होंने सोचा कि मिट जाएगा हमारा वजूद उनके बिना 
पर हम ज़िन्दगी में खुद को उठाते ही चले गए। 
हर वो चीज़, जो था उनका वादा 
वही मोहब्बत हम खुद को तोहफे में देते चले गए। 

नोच के उखाड़ फेंका मेरे सर से ताज उन्होंने 
पर हमने तब भी उन्हें अपना सरताज माना। 
पर उन्होंने ना समझा ज़रूरी उस घाव को भरना 
थे सिर्फ जिसके इंतज़ार में हम, वो प्यार का मरहम कभी हमारे दामन में ना आया। 

लिए बैठे थे वो भी अपने ज़ख्म 
इस उम्मीद में कि भर देंगे उन दरारों को हम 
पर नज़र ना आयी उन्हें खुद कि खींची वो लकीर, जिसे पार करने की ताकत भी उन्होंने हमसे छीन ली। 
छीन लिए हमसे हमारे हक़, और हमें ही बेदर्द करार कर दिया 
फिर एक बार छोड़ दिया बीच राह में हमें 
और बेवफा का दर्ज भी हमें ही दे दिया। 

लिए बैठे रहे हम भी वही खुले घाव 
कि कभी तो वो आएंगे याद करके वो गुज़रे फ़साने। 
पर ना वो आये, ना आयी उनकी रहमत 
और हमें हमेशा के लिए इस गफलत में छोड़ दिया 
कि क्या वो कसूर इतना संगीन था, कि उन्होंने हमारा दामन छोड़ना बेहतर समझा। 
बेहतर समझा हमेशा के लिए हमसे मुँह मोड़ना, क्या वो ख्वाहिश इतनी नागवार थी। 

भूल गए वो हमारी फितरत 
वो टूट के प्यार करने का जज़बा। 
उनकी लत में इस कदर डूबे 
कि हर जज़्बात उनके बिना अधूरा था।
किसी और के लिए छोड़ा होता तो इतनी चुभन नहीं होती,
पर उन्होंने तो हमें हमारे लिए ही छोड़ दिया या कहें कि हमारी वजह से छोड़ दिया।

जब जब बीच राह में वो छोड़ गए 
वहीं खड़े इंतज़ार किया कि कभी तो मुड़कर देखेंगे 
कभी तो आयेगी उनकी आवाज़ पीछे से 
कभी तो पलट के वापस आएंगे हमारे पास दौड़ के। 
आज भी सोचते हैं कि काश एक बार तो पलट के देखा होता उन्होंने 
थक कर हर बार खुद ही राह ढून्ढ ली 
और बेसुध अकेले ही चल दिए टूटे अरमानो के साथ। 

बहुत कहा उनसे छोड़ जाने को हमें 
उन्होंने किया वादा कि कभी ना छोड़ेंगे 
जब थी उनकी ज़रूरत, जब नहीं चाहा कि वो जाए 
तब सब कुचल के वो निकल गया अपनी अलग राह पर 

उनका दामन छूटा तो हमने लड़ना सीखा 
सीखा उन सभी तूफ़ानो से जूझना, जिनके आने पे हम उनके पीछे छिप जाते थे।
लड़ते थे उनकी हर मुश्किल से, पर अपनी तकलीफों से घबरा जाते थे। 

आज भी वो पल याद करके सिहर उठते हैं 
जब रौंद दिया था हमारे सभी ख्वाबों को। 
ज़हर जैसे शब्दों से जला दिया सभी उम्मीदों को। 
जब हर पल हमारे साथ साथ कोसा हमारे माँ-बाप को भी 
जब हमें पैदा करने वाले ही एक गाली बन गए उनके लिए। 

काश ये समय वापस पलट पाता, काश हम सब कुछ ठीक कर पाते 
काश उन्हें अपनी बात समझा पाते, काश उनकी खुशबू में खो पाते। 
ये काश एक ऐसा लफ्ज़ है जो सबसे ज़यादा दर्द दे जाता है 
और हाथ हमेशा खाली रह जाता है। 

होता वही है जो ऊपरवाले ने सोच रखा है 
हम तो बस ज़िन्दगी में आगे बड़ सकते हैं उन यादों को सँवारे।

Self destruction

Is anger the only Self-Destructing factor! Isn't guilt also guilty for the same crime! Guilt for having done something which is not wrong but may not feel right. Guilt for thinking about your rights, putting somebody else down even though you didn't put their rights at stake but just defended yours.

 

Guilt is so strong of an emotion that even anger cant take it over.

 

When a person is feeling guilty for having hurt somebody in pursuit of their own peace even if they didn't mean it personally or it wasn't anything significant enough.

 

It’s a feeling that a mother feels after beating up her kid when he doesn’t study, knowing that marks can never make up for these bruises. A feeling that haunts a person who left house after shouting at their mother for she doesn't understand that they are getting late for office or college or just for a party, while their mother just wanted them to eat something. It is when you shout at your mother because she didn't hear you well the first three times that you are not well and don't feel like talking but do we understand that she NEEDS to talk. It is when you shout at an old driver because he irritated you, someone who is as old as your father. It is when you pushed someone on the road innocently having ice cream just because they were in your path when you were angry at somebody else. It is when you tell someone bluntly that they are irritating you and they just go quiet and don't talk at all making you feel that they were innocent and you are the culprit to have mistreated them but do they realize what they were doing. You feel guilty after reacting over a situation which was out of your control and not a big deal at all. It is when we don't react when people hurt us knowingly and it keeps heaping inside us and blasts out one day on anyone, guilty or not!

 

On occasions you feel guilty for yourself after not reacting over a situation which was offensive to you, putting your happiness and rights at stake making sure that it didn't hurt your relation with the other person. At times you cant and at times you choose not to react. But does it actually save the relationship! Is it not messing up with your head that you let wrong happen to yourself? Is it not bothering you that you let someone hurt your self-esteem, that you didn't stand up for your

self? Doesn't it create that discomfort between you and that person!

 

You can feel it churning your insides. It eats you up because you just want to be alone in such situations, you don't trust anyone with their ability to understand you, so you don't talk to anyone! People you like to talk to are not close enough that you share something this personal with them and people who are really close, are not with you on intellectual grounds to understand what's storming your head. Because according to them you are just making a hill out of a mole or not understanding the situation wholly. The fear of being misunderstood adds to your misery; the guilt of your inability to share with your loved ones cripples you! You hate yourself that you don't trust your partner, your parents or your best friend.

 

Thoughts keep whirling inside your head making you dizzy and depressed, depleting your health, causing head ache and ultimately you are just destroying yourself from within making your insides empty, sucking out all the last traces of happiness and love out of you! Love for others, those you make sacrifices for! Because ultimately you are not loving yourself, you are not keeping your SELF happy! Do you think it's about feeding your ego? No, its not! Because as they say, you can keep others happy only if you are happy inside, if you feed your own pleasures. Give yourself all those little things that make you happy. Pampering yourself is the key to the happiness of everyone around you.

 

It's not the regret of having done something but the guilt of the moment that you spoilt for the other person. And it doesn't stop following you even if you tell yourself that the other person would have done the same thing or even worse to spoil your moment, had they been in your shoes.

 

What do you think should be the best possible way to vent out and not feel guilty for anything you did? To deal with the situation when you stood for yourself and someone was hurt for they were denied the fun of seeing you suffering?

Talk

Do you ever feel connected to someone you don’t know enough yet? Connected as in you like to be with them, to talk to them about random things, nothing significant! Not that you connect with them romantically but just intellectually. You do not talk about each other but everything else that matters least to you both; things about yourself that doesn’t matter to the other person at all. Talking to them gives you a sense of connection, makes you feel satisfied, fulfilled and at peace.

When you don’t get to talk to them, you start feeling uneasy as if you haven't got your regular dose of the drug you're addicted to!

At times it becomes so important to talk to someone you don’t know. Just to let out everything that’s brewing inside your head.

Just to vent out whatever is bothering your soul's peace. Not because they matter to you but for the exactly opposite reason! That they don’t matter to you at all and you don’t matter to them either. You can simply be yourself and they wont judge you and make any assumptions or prejudices. They wont have any expectations from you and you don’t have to worry about fulfilling their expectations either.

You can always feel light after talking to them over random topics and forgetting your actual worries in the process. Even if you share your troubles with them, they wont start giving you their worldly wisdom unlike when you share it with people you know. Ideal for situations when you just want to escape your best friend's preaching and just want to talk and let it all out.

They are never going to judge your morals on your mistakes or make any impression of how you are as a person.

Now coming back to where we started!!

Informally, it's like having an intellectual affair, with no romantic touch to it!

It can also be put in the category of infidelity even though you are not cheating on anybody but still you are allowing yourself to drift away from your partner on a higher level, telling yourself that its ok to not share deep stuff with your significant other, that he won't be interested anyway.

And maybe you're right! Maybe the other person would be more interested in listening to you. Maybe your guy would find your ideas, your thoughts absurd and laugh it off. Maybe he will put his much better and much thought off theory on the table. Maybe this other person is seeing things in your perspective for some other reason, things you are too naive to think of. Maybe this is how you started with your guy, talking about higher stuff. Maybe someday this chemistry between you and this stranger will end after you are not strangers anymore and you will start the same relationship with someone new!

At times I feel that this 'talking' habit is a bit dangerous! ;)

Love

For the past many ages or may be since we've known this word (or feeling), we've always been confused about what it actually is. We have had so many definitions for love and still find it undefined and are speechless about it.

When we don't know what love is, we wouldn't know how to find it, where to look for it, how to recognize it so our inability to define it is justified.

But for those who have it, even they are unable to describe it, everyone has their own definition, their own version of love

so how exactly do you define and give words to a feeling so important and yet so simple and complex at the same time.

Just like everyone else, I also have my own idea of love.

Unlike what they say in films and TV, it doesn't make your world go round but makes you forget the world. A feeling where nothing matters but only doing everything to get to spend as much time possible with that person, to make every moment count. It doesn't matter if you spend hours or just an hour but you want to make it memorable and special. No matter how many years have you spent together but you still want to have quality time every time you see them. So, in short you just want to have good time together always and make every second a memory.

To make sure that whenever possible you make the other person feel how you feel about them. To tell them how special they are to you. To tell them that you will always be beside them if not behind or in front covering them.

To tell them to keep making mistakes and assuring that you'll take care of the rest.

Love is someone who will never call you hideous. Someone to mean when they say that they'll fix everything, they'll protect you from everything including self destructive you. Someone to tell you to take life easy and not just ask you to share your burden but simply take it away from you so  you'll never have to worry again.

Someone who will stay with you like your shadow when you ask them to leave, being with  you all the time but letting you have your own space and just be available when you need them. Someone who will make time for you in their busiest of days and value the time you make out from your day.

If you were betrayed by an impersonator once, don't give up on love and it will make its own way to you. If you forgot love because you were let down earlier, it will come looking for you.

People say that love is for the lucky and the strong; I may not have been lucky as yet but I'm strong enough to not let my hope die!

I'm not going to hate you but love the love more so it will have to come to me and wont even try escaping me.

Color therapy

RED: Loving him deeply and passionately

PINK: That sweet feeling when he tries to do everything to make me smile when I'm down

YELLOW: Having him around as a friend

WHITE: Peaceful time spent with him

PEACH: His care and bother

GREEN: Always dreaming about him and imagining him around

ORANGE: All the sweet & sour memories we built together

BLUE: Remembering all the pain he caused

PURPLE: Losing him

GREY: Forgetting him

BLACK: Hatred ignited by his monsters


Life has a lot more colors than we can even imagine! What color would it be about all the confused feelings inside you? Can you really allocate a color to every feeling, every emotion. And you thought that rainbow is the most colorful thing created by God! I don't think so. ;)