Even the eventual
ultimate goal of our lives is decided by the preset codes of the society. For a
guy, it has to be career, success and money. While in this stereotypical
society, a girl's life revolves around getting a suitable match for marriage; a guy who is settled as per society's norms.
Why can't a girl
choose to prioritize her career, choose not to get married at all, choose to
fulfill her dreams and aspirations?
When a guy looks at a luxury car, he's seen as a car frenzy, someone who's aspiring to own it but when a girl admires an expensive car, she's a gold digger because all that she has to do to own that car is marry someone who either has it or can buy it for her.
I don't want to settle down with a guy who earns decent and is either a virgin, desperate to finally have legal (non-objectionable to society and family) sex after getting married and would only look at his wife as a prospective sex partner, wherein rest of her and her issues would come later; or a non-virgin expecting a virgin wife (typical societal norm). And they both would expect me to stay home, be a modest home-maker, bear their children and only crib sitting in front of the television while chopping my veggies and cursing vamps from the daily soaps. He would expect me to take care of his family and the chances are negligible that he would treat my family the way I will be treating his. He is very likely to go to gym and motivate me too until we are married and stuck together forever; once that's done, it only ends up with being taken for granted for the rest of the life.
I want to be financially independent, free-willed, still be able to party with my girl friends, hangout with my own family, take care of my parents, spend time with my siblings, know his friends and not just be a sex-slave who's seen as a child bearing machine and a maid and still be smiling when he comes home "tired" from work. I want to be respected, loved, taken care of, just how my parents raised me. If I can't cook or clean, he should pitch in to help and support; just like he never had to do it or learn how to do it, I didn't learn it either (until my maids ran away!). I want to be me! I do not want to lose my identity.
I read an article about how differently men and women are portrayed on our TV and books when they wake up in the morning after a one-night stand. A guy is described as a super cool carefree dude who may not even remember the girl's name in the morning, will leave once he's up and get a coffee or another drink when leaving, feeling all refreshed and bearing that "Casanova" image. On the other hand, a woman wakes up with regrets and full of guilt, unable to brush off the "ugly" thoughts of the previous night, cursing themselves for letting it happen, for giving in and even feeling "slutty".
The other day I was talking to a friend about how our mothers are quick learners when it comes to new touch screen phones while our fathers are a bit tad slow with grasping the technology. And I couldn't help my impulsive feminist thoughts to interfere. I generalized it putting it as: why men aren't quick learners while women are? Puzzled, my friend couldn't understand the context but I had to continue anyway.
I proceeded saying that men in this society aren't open to learning from the young or the fairer sex. Whereas, women are open to changes, learning and it's because they are not blocked to accepting things and have always been open to take in. They have always been following men or other powerful ladies in the family or society and have always made to feel incomplete without a man in their life to support them. On the other hand, men are used to supremacy so much that it's embedded in their genes now and they just can't seem to accept the fact that there's something that they lack and can use outside help to fulfill it. They are not as open to changes, adapting and accepting things different from how they see it.
All these things only point towards our highly male chauvinist society. Even with the rise of feminism, and a whole world of awakening towards women rights, we have a long way to go. This change is not sudden but even women seem a little too suppressed to accept it.
I want a family too but my aspirations are different and I'm afraid that I might just ruin it because I do not personify the ideal homely woman as defined by our society. I don't have to stay at home, clean dishes, do laundry and raise children to be a successful homemaker. I can still make a home with the help of a supportive partner. It doesn't have to be a woman's duty alone while both make a home. Why does it have to be a woman to take care of the house and man who gets to go out, have a career, party with friends and groom himself. Why can't they both have a career, friends, parties and responsibilities towards home and kids.
My ultimate goal is not to marry a rich guy, I want to buy my own stuff but I want my partner to share my load and take care of me and my demons while I take care of his. My goal is to be free, have an identity apart from my partner's. I want a respectful life.
