Self destruction mode. Check.

I'm ugly. Ugly by every definition of it. Many would attest to it.

And in this world driven by a glorified definition of external beauty, I'm desired only behind closed doors. For reasons known only to two of us, where the other one keeps changing. Every one only wants a piece of me but not me. Maybe because they don't see me. But am I really putting myself out there? Is it really them having me or me having them and walking on? I devour them and I'm done with them. Some times it feels like I hurt them for being next to me, for I want to punish someone for everything. Everything that's wrong with the world.l I've turned into something I never imagined I would be.

I feel deteriorated, physically, mentally, and emotionally. But I still hold myself strong and stand tall. I cry myself to sleep but the world knows they fail trying to break me.

Apparently, I've only surrounded myself with the kind that only brings the worst in me. Or maybe they just let me be and I feel myself with them around. The ones who push me to the edge and then a chain reaction begins. I hurt them, then I hurt myself for hurting them.

Dead, broken or lost?

Once again I stood up. Once again I asked for something. Once again you turned around and stepped away. Once again you left me in the middle of nowhere. Once again I'm lost, trying to find my way home. But this time, I've lost home. I made home in the eye of the storm. Can't find it coz it's been swept away. Does it mean I'm homeless forever?

I knew you'll not look back coz you never did. The only difference is, then I got to tell you that I was lost when I got home. But not this time. I won't tell you and you don't care. Well, you didn't even back then.

But if I can't get home, how can I get on a new journey. Not until I finish this one. And I don't see any end to it. A homeless person can't be home to someone else.

I don't want to bleed on someone who didn't cut me. That's why I'm protecting the wound that refuses to heal.

No, you aren't my home. You can't be. Coz you came behind my back and ruined what I had built for myself and shrugged off the responsibility. Hypersensitive me could sense it but naive me turned a blind eye.

I gave my all but all you saw was emptiness. Every diamond looked like a glass. I scraped everything to the bottom that I have nothing left for myself anymore.

Now all I want is to see you homeless, while sitting in a home.