Just like in fantasy books or movies, you grow up thinking that something magical or unexpected would happen to you too at a certain age. Like an owl delivering a letter when you turn 11 to tell you that you're a wizard and you were just being protected from danger. Or a till-now-non-existent grandmother appearing at your doorstep on your 14th birthday to inform you of your fate as a princess.
You expect that things will turn upside down and you'd have a whole new world to yourself, some day. I had similar expectations as a kid. But as you grow up, you know that birthdays don't bring you magic or surprises, people around you do. Every year you only get additional responsibilities, worldly wisdom and experiential learning. I'd still be very excited for my birthday that a new age will bring new challenges with it and with my birthday closing in, I'd lose all the excitement. For by then I know that it'd only be me jumping around in excitement and no one else is as excited, when my birth wasn't celebrated, there's no reason to celebrate the annual reminder.
For my 30th, I was thrilled to have achieved a milestone and the only thing I asked for was to be with friends and celebrate the special number.
Though it looks like something new and unexpected did happen this time. 2 hours into the day, I lost a very good friend. He's annoying, has always been but was still dear to me. This time when I told him, God knows what got him, he ended the celebration without clearly telling me what happened and we both went home. By the time I got home, I had understood and the realization irked me.
When I had first watched the movie 'Turning 30', I had also fantasized about turning 30 and how interesting would life be. Little did I know that I'd suck at 30. I don't have a boyfriend I'd expect to propose me for marriage, no ex who would still support me and no talent to write AND publish a book. My career sucks, I'm still at a budding stage where all my friends and batch mates are doing well in their jobs, moving ahead professionally, getting married or at least dating. But then I remind myself, I've always been late but that doesn't make me a failure. I maybe starting things today but who knows I might achieve something greater than all of them. They are all in the same race, I have my own where I don't have to compete with anyone but beat myself at every step. I don't have anyone at present and I have an ex, I don't like to call ex. He's more of my past, not someone I used to be with. It was a life chapter and the pages just turned. I also happened to leave my mark on his insta account accidentally that I can't reverse. My friends say that I stalk him, but I don't. I'm just curious of what he's up to. Or maybe I am stalking him and I'm not open to admit. No, I don't miss him or want him back. I definitely miss the memories and all the good times we had. No, it's nothing about being single or being grumpy because everyone else is engaged. It's just one of the things that's a hype around me at this age.
One thing that is probably happening right is I get to travel and experience life. And that also is an itch for a couple of close family members. Now I can't explain to them how is it different for me and I don't even intend to, to be honest. Though it definitely hurts a little to have your own peeps hindering your happiness but that's not newborn unique to me, people have usually had close family creating all the nuisance in their lives. I still have no clue with respect to what direction am I headed to, personally, professionally or spiritually. Am I really wasting my 30th? Or the best is yet to come?! The best way out is to take a day at a time, the best advice a friend gave once.
