Never over my dignity

You come into my life as my father, as my partner and at every opportunity you try to remind me that you are over me. At any given time, you take my love for granted, you think you can take my dignity for a ride. Yes, I love you, I respect you but never am I going to allow you to crush my pride.

I love too deep and my hate turns into indifference. You may not appreciate my indifference for I'm at my coldest there. I may be a disappointment to you, so are you, to me.

You have the impression that you're over or ahead of me for I'm being humble before you. But don't push me too hard that I stop caring at all and you're only left with regret and remorse.

Yes, we have been brought up in a society where both of us have been taught from the start that we could have an oppressor-oppressed relationship where it's only you who get to oppress. I understand it becomes hard for you too to change now but let's face it, I have changed, I have grown and I have realized that I won't be the suppressed one. No, I don't want to come to the side of oppression, but I only want to be liberated. I want to be free and make my own decisions, love the life the way I choose to. But I don't want you to bow down and vanish from the scene, I want you to stand by me and hold me if I fall down or direct me when I'm lost. Like I did with you, for you. Be, for me, with me.

Addiction

A couple of days ago I was having a conversation with a friend's brother. He was talking about addiction, to all things tranquilizing, sense numbing. His thought was that people don't get addicted, they establish a relationship with that substance and quitting it is similar to losing a loved one. This made me smile and laugh for once because I established a similar relationship between the two but the other way round. My idea is people don't fall in love, they get addicted to a person's presence, to having conversations with them, to sharing their life with them; just like they would, to a drug. I'm not giving any robust philosophy or ideology, everyone has their own train of thoughts to take them places; this happens to be mine. Cursed are those who can't differentiate between habit and love. Cursed because they can't tell the deep feelings and a routine apart.

The worst kind of addiction is to people. I've been on alcohol, nicotine, weed but never have I ever been addicted to anything, not even people. Maybe that's why I come across as cold to many.

I heard it on a YouTube video once: "addiction begins with the hope that something 'out there' can instantly fill up the emptiness inside." I almost feel the validity of the idea.

I have been addicted to people and I have been rational enough to have acknowledged that, in time. But love and relationships don't have to have any rationale behind their existence. Maybe I haven't experienced love yet or maybe my philosophy of love being nothing more than an addiction is true.